we are wolves to each other

I'm determined
to cry myself dry
to cry until my eyeballs
crack apart like desert sand
until my chest is too empty
to hurt

I'm determined
to not need anybody
to meet loneliness with stoic
apathy, to keep telling myself
words that have lost all
meaning

"it'll be fine"

I'm determined
to keep crying
until I've washed you out
of my system entirely;
it can be done, I'm sure
and if I have to tear myself
up and apart first
then so be it

then so fucking be it

let me destroy myself
to destroy the hold you have over me;
the greatest betrayal is
when you give someone
power to hurt you -
to really hurt you, to twist the knife
six times without touching you -
and they use it

they use it
watching as blood blubbers
between your lip

I'm determined
to never tell you
just how much this hurt me
just how much you hurt me
I gave you this power;
I shouldn't have

I'm determined
to fake a smile
while you walk out
of my life; I owe you thanks
for showing me how little
we mean to you

I'm determined
to never give you
any power
again