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About Literature / Hobbyist Member unusually normal21/Female/Switzerland Recent Activity
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First things first; what really grabbed me here was the title. I love that title; it is so eloquent, and it already manages to evoke images. A fleet of maybes, a navy of what ifs. I could ramble about this for a while, I just consider the title itself a stroke of genius. It makes my small writer's soul very happy to read. :heart:

The one thing I find rather tiring about this is the subject. It is not a new one (but then, these days, what is?), and I personally feel I've seen this, read this, maybe even wrote it too many times before, so the theme appears cliché and I feel overfed with it - you save yourself though, through the brevity of this and the metaphors.

It's not "a shared smile, never saw them again", but it's ships sailing past each other, and instead of simply going into different directions, they "let their anchors drop in the close embrace / of other harbours". Those last two lines reconciled me with your piece, because - again - pure genius, beautiful metaphor, wonderfully worded! Maybe ships need harbours more than they need other ships?

All in all, this very nicely puts the feeling into words you get when looking at strangers through a bus window, wondering if you could love any of them, wondering if any of them could love you. I adore the ships-metaphor so much the "let our eyes glow beneath our lids" part almost feels too human to me, but that might be personal preference here.
Very nice work! :clap:
116 deviations
Craving love
is a human's factory state
( reset reset reset )
so how could you be
anything but bitter?

We're a pack of hungry dogs,
starving for love, oh gods,
who let us off our chains?

Tearing into each other
as if it could teach us
how to hold a heart
between our sharp teeth.

You see them everywhere -
love floats on, all around,
but never where you are,
or so it seems.

It's alright, it's simply
what you are - we pick
each other apart, because
"this is it, this is love,
this is what we need."

Honey, you're nothing new -
part of a pack of hungry dogs,
howling at the moon, howling
at this girl, howling howling.

We're desperate, some hungry dogs
delivered with a faulty factory state.
You're desperate, you're not original
We're all desperate for love. It probably isn't very healthy.

Craving love is a human's factory state was something I almost wrote in reply to a comment I got on I ruined myself for relationships, but then I went: hold on, I really love that wording. Let's make a piece of this.
How long
until you see
that the noose around your neck
is your own hands?
We're our own Death Sentence
A piece about self-pity, self-harm both physical and mental, resignation, hopelessness, discouragement, hate, anger, the way we stand in the way of our own happiness, and the way we throw ourselves off bridges.

Sometimes it frustrates me seeing people around me rendering themselves unhappy. It's unnecessary. It's pointless. And you're hurting yourself, why won't you stop? I just wish you'd stop.

my chai tea is bio
    fair trade down to the cinnamon
and maybe that makes up for the way
I do my groceries


we're all a bit pretentious
(c'est à la mode,
c'est aujourd'hui,
c'est nous


    say, your favourite author is Kafka?
                        how interesting.
                                                yes, I
                                                     his « metamorphosis », too.


my chai tea is overpriced, you see
(the cost of my average meal, maybe)
but the barista gave me a smile to go with it
               and after drinking it, I feel
                         warmer inside.

      fair trade down to the cinnamon,
      and the spice still clings
      to my tongue.


we're all a bit pretentious
just look at me -
I painted my nails unevenly with bright green
the other day I taught myself to say
            extracalifragilisticexpialodocious -
                    yes, at the age of twenty-one.


I'm a bit pretentious,
    I like smooth jazz while drinking Indian chai,
    and it's all alright.


In a way, don't you like
bright green nails and a bright green print t-shirt
            (kiss kiss bang bang)
pretending to be classy
       (moving your feet ever so slightly
        to the saxophone, thinking of
        jazz-playing cats and crocodiles)

even though we're only there at all because
     we watched our train leave the station
                 without us?
                                            don't you?


can I afford a hot chocolate?
         fair trade down to the cocoa beans?

    - no ;
       but we can pretend
           that's my choice.


next time, then.
when I get to feel
just a bit pretentious.
just a bit pretentious
Missed my connecting train the other day, ended up sitting in a small restaurant/café called tibits, and wrote this while drinking chai tea and waiting for another half an hour to pass for my next connection.


unusually normal
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
So, hi. I'm a girl. I like using fancy words. And Oscar Wilde.

Rule no. 1: Give a llama - get a llama! :iconllamacopterplz:
Because llamas are awesome.

my wonderful cheshire-icon was made by Herzlose

I appreciate all favs and comments, even though I do not always thank for them. So instead, have a collective thank you here:

:party: :iconthanksplz:

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Add a Comment:
xXI-Feel-InfiniteXx Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you again for the critique :heart: :hug:
miserabel Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:blush: psh it was but one critique, you don't need to thank me more than once~
xXI-Feel-InfiniteXx Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Also thank you so much for the watch too Danisnotonfire: FEELS 
miserabel Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
My pleasure! :blowkiss:
xXI-Feel-InfiniteXx Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
haha but it was such a nice surprise I had to say thank you at least once! :hug:
wolfgirl501 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the Llama!:D
miserabel Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You gave one first, so you're very welcome! :llama:
miserabel Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
wow! :onfire: Thank you so much! :tighthug:
zasexydarkangel Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
happy birthday!
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