Shop More Submit  Join Login
About Literature / Hobbyist Member unusually normal21/Female/Switzerland Recent Activity
Deviant for 7 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 319 Deviations 1,558 Comments 6,501 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Favourites

Groups

Webcam

Activity


Literature
117 deviations
A hole has grown
in my chest -
tears won't patch it up,
and I blame my shaking
fingers for their eternal
clumsiness.

What I need
is a good dismanteling,
take me apart and build me up
with a guarantee -
no holes, no siree.

These days,
I can't sleep.
I'm so tireddd.

I don't know what else
there is left to do
but cling to you.
You're my constant,
my solace, the material
I need to fill myself up.

Tell me
"you're empty
but that's okay"
.
(Lie, if necessary.)

See -
it's so exhausting
to try and run from
myself, so shackel me up,
tight enough so I won't
fall apart,
please.

There's a hole
in my chest,
a gaping thing,
and I can't
sleep.
Lacuna
noun, plural lacunae [luh-kyoo-nee], lacunas.
1. a gap or missing part, as in a manuscript, series, or logical argument; hiatus.
2. Anatomy. one of the numerous minute cavities in the substance of bone, supposed to contain nucleate cells.
3. Botany. an air space in the cellular tissue of plants


Lately I've been restless, and sleep won't come easy.
This was one of the pieces I wrote down, wasn't satisfied with, and then overhauled completely.
Loading...
journals
27 deviations
First things first; what really grabbed me here was the title. I love that title; it is so eloquent, and it already manages to evoke images. A fleet of maybes, a navy of what ifs. I could ramble about this for a while, I just consider the title itself a stroke of genius. It makes my small writer's soul very happy to read. :heart:

The one thing I find rather tiring about this is the subject. It is not a new one (but then, these days, what is?), and I personally feel I've seen this, read this, maybe even wrote it too many times before, so the theme appears cliché and I feel overfed with it - you save yourself though, through the brevity of this and the metaphors.

It's not "a shared smile, never saw them again", but it's ships sailing past each other, and instead of simply going into different directions, they "let their anchors drop in the close embrace / of other harbours". Those last two lines reconciled me with your piece, because - again - pure genius, beautiful metaphor, wonderfully worded! Maybe ships need harbours more than they need other ships?

All in all, this very nicely puts the feeling into words you get when looking at strangers through a bus window, wondering if you could love any of them, wondering if any of them could love you. I adore the ships-metaphor so much the "let our eyes glow beneath our lids" part almost feels too human to me, but that might be personal preference here.
Very nice work! :clap:
Craving love
is a human's factory state
( reset reset reset )
so how could you be
anything but bitter?

We're a pack of hungry dogs,
starving for love, oh gods,
who let us off our chains?

Tearing into each other
as if it could teach us
how to hold a heart
between our sharp teeth.

You see them everywhere -
love floats on, all around,
but never where you are,
or so it seems.

It's alright, it's simply
what you are - we pick
each other apart, because
"this is it, this is love,
this is what we need."

Honey, you're nothing new -
part of a pack of hungry dogs,
howling at the moon, howling
at this girl, howling howling.

We're desperate, some hungry dogs
delivered with a faulty factory state.
You're desperate, you're not original
We're all desperate for love. It probably isn't very healthy.

Craving love is a human's factory state was something I almost wrote in reply to a comment I got on I ruined myself for relationships, but then I went: hold on, I really love that wording. Let's make a piece of this.
Loading...

deviantID

miserabel
unusually normal
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Switzerland
So, hi. I'm a girl. I like using fancy words. And Oscar Wilde.

Rule no. 1: Give a llama - get a llama! :iconllamacopterplz:
Because llamas are awesome.

my wonderful cheshire-icon was made by Herzlose

I appreciate all favs and comments, even though I do not always thank for them. So instead, have a collective thank you here:

:party: :iconthanksplz:
Interests

AdCast - Ads from the Community

×

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconxxi-feel-infinitexx:
xXI-Feel-InfiniteXx Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you again for the critique :heart: :hug:
Reply
:iconmiserabel:
miserabel Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:blush: psh it was but one critique, you don't need to thank me more than once~
Reply
:iconxxi-feel-infinitexx:
xXI-Feel-InfiniteXx Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Also thank you so much for the watch too Danisnotonfire: FEELS 
Reply
:iconmiserabel:
miserabel Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
My pleasure! :blowkiss:
Reply
:iconxxi-feel-infinitexx:
xXI-Feel-InfiniteXx Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
haha but it was such a nice surprise I had to say thank you at least once! :hug:
Reply
:iconwolfgirl501:
wolfgirl501 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the Llama!:D
Reply
:iconmiserabel:
miserabel Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You gave one first, so you're very welcome! :llama:
Reply
:iconmiserabel:
miserabel Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
wow! :onfire: Thank you so much! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconzasexydarkangel:
zasexydarkangel Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
happy birthday!
Reply
Add a Comment: